2/25/2023
My first ever research presentation is now less than a month away. I am both nervous and excited to present at the Maryland Research Conference in March! My research process has been very unique so far, but I have learned a lot along the way as my project has begun to take form.
Data Collection
At this point in my research, most of my "data" has been collected. For an autoethnographic study, this data comes in the form of my own personal experiences. I have spent a significant amount of time journaling about communication within my family. Through this journaling, my research mentor and I were able to find patterns in certain behaviors and mindsets held by my family members. During this time, my research seemed to be morphing and changing direction constantly. New stories seemed to take our focus somewhere new each time. However, we eventually landed on a couple common themes, and our focus shifted to gendered expectations within my family. Once these themes and patterns were identified, we were able to move onto the next challenge: evocative writing.
The Writing Process
Autoethnography is unique in that the data collected is presented through rich, vibrant language. Because the research is done through the lens of the researcher, it's important to paint a vivid and colorful picture for the reader. The text should evoke feelings in the reader that allow them to participate in the moment being described. This is a sample excerpt from my evocative writing:
My body feels wrong… I feel big and imperfect. I try on everything in my closet, but nothing checks all of the boxes. Why is this so hard? It’s just an outfit. I’m listening through the floor hoping to hear a phone call that says they aren’t coming. Too masculine if I comfortably cover up, too promiscuous if I express my femininity the way I want to. My mind feels stretched like the tights I pull up my legs. How do I find the right combination of festive and feminine while still making sure I hide every lump, bump, and imperfection? I feel the pressure of the shapewear under my skirt as it attempts to squish all my imperfections into submission. The girl in the mirror looks like the perfect housewife, but I don’t recognize her. I anxiously analyze every angle to ensure imperfections are invisible before plugging in the curling iron.
Once I have erased all evidence of exhaustion or sadness on my face and my hair is the perfect combination of effortless and elegant, I head upstairs. The nervousness I’m feeling is shared by the rest of the family as everyone rushes to chop vegetables and prepare the rest of the food for the day. The clock is our enemy today. Everything needs to be in place and ready to go before they arrive. Mid-carrot-slice, the dog barks. They’re here. A million confusing emotions enter my mind. I’m afraid of the potential judgment that’s about to walk through the front door. I’m determined to say and do all the right things to avoid conflict. I’m sad that I get so anxious over the arrival of my grandparents. As they enter and hugs are exchanged, I feel the scrutiny as their eyes move up and down to look at my sister and me. We know the judgment made at this first glance will determine the way we’re treated for the rest of the day and the way we’ll be talked about. All I can do is hold my breath, suck in my stomach, stand up straight, and hope they don’t notice any imperfections I tried so hard to cover.
This type of writing reads very similarly to poetry. Rich figurative language paints a clear picture that allows the reader to participate in the moment with the author. However, this type of writing doesn't feel like research, and wouldn't be able to stand alone in a research paper. This is where theoretical analysis comes in.
Incorporating Theory
There are a couple of ways I can incorporate theoretical perspectives into my research. In one of the examples of autoethnography I found, the author cited theories within the evocative writing. Another option is to have sections of evocative writing followed by theoretical explanations. For the purposes of presenting a poster, I will have sections of evocative writing with explanations to follow. However, I have not decided which style I will be using for my research paper. I would like to try my hand at incorporating theory within the narrative sections, but I worry it will impact the flow of my storytelling. I intend to try both and determine which is most effective for my specific project.
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